I wrote this poem some four or five years ago using my favorite tombow pen and corona notebook — haha, I didn’t want to write then using computer. I prefer to write using pen and paper coz I’m more efficient and effective that way. With computers, I end up erasing a lot of things and forgetting what I have written originally.

Anyway, I wrote this when at the height of my frustration with my (inexistent) love live (haha!) and right after reading some vampire novel — needless to say, it might sound lonely and morbid to you. I’ve shown them to some of my closest friends before and they all liked it so I figured I’d post here for public consumption.

I admit, I’m not a good poet but at least I try, right? So please, bite off your tongues and just read. I’m a bit sensitive right now.

***** 

The Vampire’s Kiss

So, you appear before me, wrapped in a black cloak that obscures

your face from my sight, as I sit alone in this cold, marble park bench.

You do not speak (perhaps, because you would rather dispense with speech altogether

and settle instead for the telepathy that humans never really possessed).  Yet, I know

your meaning, your intentions.  And though

I know of the danger you pose to me, I didn’t feel

Fear.

Rather, I felt drawn to you, seduced to wrap my arms around you and say I’m

Yours.  Or is this all but part of the spell you’re casting on me?

I do not intend to find out, and I’m not meant to, for as

I felt your arms move sinuously across my bare arms to finally lock me in death’s embrace,

your lips touching not my lips but the throbbing vein in my neck,

I know this is the end.

The blood flows from me into your desiccated veins.

Whether this is paradise or hell, I have lost all reason to figure out;

I am caught in the pain and ecstasy.  And as I slipped

into unconsciousness, I finally understand the loneliness

that drove you to seek me out.  Your victim.

Your lover, in this

Perfect union of bodies. Of souls.

So take what you need from me.  See my visions as if they were your own.

Drink my dreams and my joys along with my sorrows; absorb them so they become your own.  Drink of my fount to warm you and

rekindle the fire in you.  Take the life that

ebbs away

from me now and into

you.

And as you live through this blood I now share with you,

So shall I live in you and we are

One. United. 

Forever.

#

I have long accepted the fact that not all people give credit where it is due and that it’s part of our lives. But lately, I’ve been having this overwhelming feeling that I am wasting my efforts.

Take work for example.

A few weeks ago, my boss told me I might even get a failing mark in our yearly ratings. I can settle for an average rating, a passing mark even, but a failing grade?

How can that be? Of all the people here in our department, I am proud to say that I am the only one whose ratings never (take note of the word never) dropped even during that period when I was still adjusting to my job. I was able to maintain my ratings for more than two years, consistently being the highest for the whole ASIA region. I participate and lead projects in our team and all of these have worked well.

So of course I felt really bad, even up to now. How can I not be doing a good job? Heck, I can be back up for anyone here in our team but they cannot be my back ups because they don’t know how to handle my job.  A lot of people even from outside the market/department I handle approach me and ask me for my advice or ask me to train them. To me, it speaks a lot about my flexibility and knowledge of my job, and most importantly, it speaks volumes about my reputation in other departments.

Yet, in my own department, I sometimes feel neglected. Like in that moment when my boss talked to me. I don’t doubt my capabililties and I know my strenghts and wekanesses so I know I don’t deserve the treatment. Or maybe people here prefer that I be loud and talk rubbish just for the sake of getting people to notice me rather than keep to myself and work my issues out on my own?

See, whenever I have issues (or problems which need resolution), I usually don’t ask for help. You won’t hear me cursing loudly or crying or sending out flame emails for the whole world to see. I don’t complain. And I don’t ask nonsense questions during meetings.

Which, come to think of it, is what my colleagues who get awards or promoted do. They ask stupid questons or make comments and suggestions that don’t really make sense just to have something to say. So does that mean the company prefers their employees to be loudmouthed dumbasses rather than silent intellectuals?

I don’t mean to make myself sound better than I really am. I have my share of misses and mistakes. There will always be hits and misses; I’m not perfect.

But I am not a failure. And if I get that failing mark, it would be totally unfair and undeserved.

It might seem a bit weird that I am starting my own blog outside of friendster when I already have an account there and have quite a few blog entries already. Wondering why?

Thought so. Well, I am blogging obviously because I have things to say and issues I want to resolve or remove from my system by letting it all out. I rant at times to my friends, but there are some things that are much easier written down than said. And then, there are some things which I want the whole world to know but keep from the ones close to me such zs when I want to talk about them (hehehe… to clairfy, I have no malicious intent whatsoever).

 You know the feeling… when you just want to type/scream into the void, not really expecting anyone to pay attention or even respond but still you want/continue it because it somehow makes you feel better.

I bet you do. So allow me to write here my thoughts on anything and everything from the mundane to the significant. No holds barred. After all, this is my blog right? It’s my right to write.